GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
