Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
