plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Randomize
