I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
