Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
