Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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