I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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