He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
