I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
he thought i was a dude.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
