Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
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