The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
