he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
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