I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
can u get pink eye on your cock?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
