i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Use "feeling words"
Yay
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
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