Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
