Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
