Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
