Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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