life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
