This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Randomize
