So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
