Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
