last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
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