Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
