My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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