Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
