dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
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