We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
