I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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