marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Randomize
