im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Randomize
