You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
