His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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