At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
