sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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