I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
