I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
