Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
