He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
