whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Sorry about my life...
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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