Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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