dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Randomize
