Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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