Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Is it because I queefed?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
