YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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