im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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