I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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