"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
