if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
