that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
