I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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