no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
